Shinra Makes Toast
by Nummy
Summary: Shinra tries to make Shizuo and Izaya make amends over a nice plate of toast made using his fancy new toaster. DRRR/Kuroshitsuji crossover. Total and complete crack. Lolsuckysummary. Ch. 4 is now untz-ing minds everywhere.
1. The Toaster

**AN:** Hello all~! Nutty here. :D  
Oh god, we had so much fun writing this chapter. It feels nice to be starting a new project, especially one that combines two of our favorite series. We hope that all of you will enjoy this product of our cracked-out minds. Reviews will be _extremely_ appreciated-while we already have a road map for this story, we need to know what you want to see so that we can improve it. :3 Thanks! Enjoy~!

**Disclaimer:** We don't own Durarara! or Kuroshitsuji. We wish. If we did, Izaya would be named Trollzaya, Shizuo would be Raegzuo, Ciel would be Cielarella, and Sebastian would be Sebby. There would also be a whole lot more trolling. Be glad that we don't own the series. xD

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One fine day in Ikebukuro, Shinra decided that Shizuo and Izaya had to get over their differences. So, naturally, he also decided that the way that they would get over these differences, was to have breakfast together. Anticipating making toast for the two, he went to check his toaster. Unfortunately, some lowlife had stolen it while he and Celty finally got together in alllllll the right ways. Oh well. That toaster was getting old anyway. So, he ran off to the store to buy a new one. While browsing through the aisles, he spotted what could have possibly been the best toaster ever. It didn't JUST toast whatever you could fit in the slot; it also had a tiny hat painted onto the side. No matter the price, Shinra had to have that toaster. After digging through his wallet (which was mostly filled with money that he had stolen from Celty when she wasn't looking), he gave the clerk the money and pranced out of the store with his purchase. "Oh, wait until they see_ this_ baby!" he thought as he skipped all the way home.

"CELTY~ I'M HOOOOME!" Shinra yelled as he burst through the door. The dullahan peeked around the corner, and Shinra could almost see the irritation in her smoke. He grinned anyway-he had a fancy new toaster, nothing could get him down now. "Now, I have to send out the invitations. I wonder what stationary I'll use. Hm."

Celty whipped out her phone, and typed quickly, and held up the screen for Shinra to see. What are the invitations for?

He smiled. "Why Celty, I'm inviting Shizuo and Izaya to breakfast here. I think it'd help them get over their differences. I also got a new toaster especially for the occasion." He held up his purchase proudly. "Look, it even has a tiny hat painted on it. Isn't that _awesome_?"

Celty's fingers danced across the phone's keys. You really think that anything you do will get those two to get along? Also, that toaster is ridiculous. Please don't tell me you spent a lot of money on it.

"Of course! I'm sure that a lovely chat over delicious bread cooked by this godly new toaster will definitely strengthen their relationship!" He clutched the toaster, as if he was holding a baby in a room full of dingoes. "It's not ridiculous, it's awesome! As soon as I saw it, I had to have it. The hat is definitely the selling point."

Celty sighed (can she sigh?) and shook her neck stub. She typed some more, and held up the phone once more, feeling defeated somehow. Well, how are you going to get them to stay in the same room as each other without killing and/or breaking everything in sight?

"Mm, that's quite a predicament." He rubbed his chin, trying to think of something. It was futile.

"Well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. But for now, I've got some invitations to fill out!" He said cheerfully while Celty started to choke the air in front of her.

~ A FEW HOURS LATER? ~

"CELTY, I'VE GOT IT!" Shinra yelled, his voice echoing throughout the apartment. He ran over to her, and she turned around in her chair, waiting for him to speak up again. "We'll just make sure that they don't know the other is coming!"

Once again, she whipped out her phone. Egh, are you sure that's a good idea? It sounds like they'll be even angrier once they see each other.

Shinra shook his head, chuckling a bit. "Ah, Celty, Celty, Celty... You worry far too much, m'dear! Everything will work itself out in the end! How can it not, now that we have this fabulous toaster on our side?" He asked without a bit of worry in his voice.

Celty, at a loss for words, took a small book from the coffee table and slammed it into his groin.

Yeah, he was going to feel that in the morning. Or, actually, right then. Shinra moaned, curling into a ball, clutching at the air with his hands in futility. "C-celty... W-why must you hurt me in this way?" He groaned, a single tear escaping his left eye (his right eye was his manry eye).

Celty shook her stump, and again typed a message on her phone. This isn't going to end well, Shinra. It's really not. This entire plan is stupid.

Shinra jumped up from the floor, suddenly completely okay. "DOES THAT MEAN YOU'LL HELP ME?" He asked excitedly, hopping from foot to foot like an insane third-grader hyped up on fish crackers.

Fine. Just don't do anything stupider than this, okay? The busty fairy typed while the man in the lab coat nodded with vigor.

"Okay, here's the plan..." Shinra described what he felt was the greatest plan to have ever been planned, ever. There was much hand-gesturing. The gist of the plan was that Celty would give Shizuo his invitation, and that Shinra would tackle Izaya. And then, only then, they would have the greatest heart-to-heart the world had ever seen over some amazingly delicious toast toasted by Shinra's precious and expensive new toaster. Surely, the toast spewed from that specific toaster had magical, friendship-making qualities. Nothing could ever go wrong with this plan. It was absolutely, positively foolproof. _Nothing _could go wrong.

So, off they went. The letters inviting the two enemies to breakfast were delivered without much trouble. Much. The day arrived, and Shinra was positively glowing with excitement. He couldn't sit or stand still, so he resolved to hopping around the room at insane speeds. This did not go over well with Celty, who found his constant hopping to be slightly irritating after a while. Thankfully, the doorbell rang, saving Shinra from another book to the groin, and Celty a headache.

"THEY'RE HERE, CELTY, THEY'RE HERE!" Shinra yelped, galloping over to the door. He straightened himself out a bit in front of the door, and cleared his throat, squaring his shoulders. He coughed, and then opened the door slowly. On the other side of the door stood a blond man in a bartender's get-up. "Ah, Shizuo. Please, come in." Shinra said professionally, sweeping his hand through the air, bowing gracefully.

Shizuo stared at Shinra for a second before entering the apartment. He turned to Celty. "What's up with him?" Celty simply shrugged, shaking her stump of a neck some more.

The three sat in an awkward silence for a few moments before the doorbell rang again. Shinra hopped up again, and did his little routine in front of the door once more, before opening it to reveal a smirking man. Shizuo's reaction was immediate. His face contorted into an angry scowl, and he narrowed his eyes. He tried to grab a plate to fling at the man, but Celty was quick to stop him.

"Ohonhonhon~ what is this, Shinra? I thought that it would just be Celty, you and me for this little get-together. Shizuo was not on the guest list last time I checked." Izaya said calmly, walking into the apartment as if a man weren't struggling to throw dishes at him.

"And you weren't supposed to be here, either,_ flea_." He spat the last word out as if it was a piece of rotten food. "What are you doing here, anyway? Is this another of your stupid little jokes?"

Izaya started to reply when Shinra spoke up quickly. "Oh, isn't this exciting? Who would have ever thought that this would happen? How wacky! Anyway, who wants some toast?" He asked quickly, trying to change the subject. Shizuo growled, quite agitated to be in the same room as the object of his absolute hate.

"Fine. It's what I came here for, isn't it?" Izaya nodded in agreement, quite amused by the situation at hand.

Shinra rushed off into the kitchen hoping that Celty would be able to contain Shizuo long enough for him to make his delicious toast.

~ MEANWHILE, IN THE DINING ROOM ~

Shizuo glared daggers at Izaya from across the table, hoping that a chunk of drywall would dislodge from the ceiling and hit him on the head. Izaya stared right back at the blond, a gleeful grin on his face. He decided to fill the heavy silence in the room. "So, Shizuo... How have you been lately? I sure hope that whole arrangement with Tom is working out nicely." He said happily.

"Shut up, flea. It's not, by the way. You forgot, I'm not gay, you dumbass. If you say one more word, I will reach across this table and separate your lips from your face."

The smile remained on Izaya's face as he reached over and grabbed Celty's phone from her hands. He typed away on the screen for a second before displaying it to Shizuo. My, my Shizu-chan. Looks like _someone_ has men on the mind... and if you want my lips so badly, I can just give them to you~ 3 Izaya puckered his lips tauntingly.

The scowl on Shizuo's face intensified. "Always a comedian, huh? You're not funny, and you've never been funny _at all_." Celty was starting to freak out, gesturing wildly with her hands. She wasn't quite sure how to intervene in this situation. Shinra better hurry up with that toast.

Izaya paid no mind to the distressed fairy, his eyes on Shizuo only. "You know Shizu-chan, comedians by definition are funny. So, if I'm a comedian, then I must be funny." He said logically, twirling one finger in the air.

Shizuo growled. "Shut up, you ass." He had had it up to here with Izaya's antics, and was very close to throwing something or punching the brat in the face.

Izaya brought his hand up to his mouth in mock shock. "My ass? Looks like you really ARE gay, Shizuo!" The red-eyed man said with shock coloring his voice heavily, a small blush forming on his cheeks.

Shizuo held up a fist. "Oh yeah? Come over here and I'll give you a kiss you won't soon forget! With my fist, that is."

"Oh, no need for that~" Izaya said as he reached across the table and pulled the blond into a smooch. He separated from Shizuo, grinning widely. "Wasn't that much better than a fist-kiss?"

If Shizuo wasn't angry before, he sure as hell was now. "_I did not mean that literally_, _flea_." His voice dripped with hate. At this point, Celty was freaking out. This was one of those times that she really wished she had a mouth so that she could yell at Shinra to _hurry the hell up_. Luckily, her frantic thoughts seemed to have summoned him from out of the blue, because the happy man came skipping into the room with a plateful of freshly toasted bread. Unfortunately, Izaya was very quick to see that Shinra had neglected to put butter on the toast, and was even quicker to tell him. Shinra apologized profusely, and then skipped back to the kitchen to get the butter from the fridge. In an act of panic, Celty whipped out her scythe, and slammed it down on the table between the two men. In times where she was unable to communicate, she found that the shadowy weapon did a sufficient job communicating for her.

The three sat in the dining room at a complete standstill, all of them glaring at each other. Well, Celty was smoking at them, but same difference. A few minutes later, Shinra waltzed back into the room, happily swinging a large plate of buttered toast. He set it down in between the two, and with a "Bon appétit" and a flourish, he sat down, admiring the fruits of his beautiful new toaster. Shinra, completely oblivious to the tension hovering in the air, passed out a slice to each of the people in the group. He sniffed at his toast, melting under the delicious aroma. He opened his mouth, and slowly edged the bread between his teeth, determined to savor every bite.

The four ate their slices at various speeds (Shinra being the slowest since he seemed to have a weird obsession/fetish for this toast). No matter the speeds at which they ate, Shizuo and Izaya were still glaring at each other from across the table. And, then, suddenly the table was different. It was larger and much more ornate than it had been previously. Shizuo and Izaya were both a bit perplexed over this, and examined their surroundings with curiosity (Shinra was too wrapped up in his toast to notice, and Celty still hadn't noticed because she was watching Shinra incredulously).

Shizuo, noticing that they were in a completely different place, only had one word to say.

"_What_."

A tall man clad in a dark suit walked into the room, and couldn't hide his confusion over the four people sitting at the table. Izaya and Shizuo both looked up to see this man, and became exceedingly confused themselves. The room was overflowing with confusion. Finally, Shinra seemed to realize that something had changed. He blinked.

And blinked again.

And then popped the last bite of toast into his mouth, and stood up, pushing his chair back far from the table. He walked up to the tall black-haired man, and grinned happily. "Hello! It seems we're not in my apartment anymore. Would you mind telling us where we are?" The tall man smiled.

"Welcome to the Phantomhive mansion."

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**AN:** TROLOLOLOL~ A CLIFFHANGER FOR YOU, GLENN COCO. YOU GO GLEN COCO.  
Remember to R&R!  
UNTIL NEXT TIME.

~Nummy


	2. Time Travelling is Weird Shit, Son

**AN:** Nutty here again~ Oh god, so many lulz were had with this chapter. There's a mystery character who appears in this chapter; can anyone guess who it is? ;D Enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** Yeah, we don't own either series. If we did, Shizaya would be more canon than it already is, and Sebastian would be putting his raepfaces to more use.

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"The Phantomhive mansion? Well, that's a weird name. I'm not gonna lie, man." Shinra said, patting the taller man on the shoulder in sympathy. Celty, while this conversation was starting up, had realized that she didn't have her helmet on. Her lack of head was quite clear to anyone in the room. She looked around frantically, and grabbed the first vase she could find, and plopped it onto her neck. There were still flowers in the vase, but she honestly did not care at that point.

The black-haired man was taken-aback by the whole situation, but didn't let it show. He would be gracious to the Earl's guests, no matter how... strange they were. He cleared his throat, and replied to the man in the white coat. "Well, I would like to hear your name if you think that Phantomhive is so odd."

"The name's Shinra. What about you, suit guy?" Shinra was quickly distracted by the room's decorations, and skipped over to stare at the wallpaper and a few large paintings. Shizuo was still trying to figure out what the hell was going on. He had been sitting in Shinra's apartment, glaring at Izaya and eating toast only a few seconds before, and now he was sitting in a place that was decidedly not Shinra's apartment, glaring at Izaya. Shizuo was not the only one glaring. Izaya was glaring, too, but not at Shizuo-no... Izaya had a new target. A deathly glare was aimed at the suit-clad man talking to Shinra. "He thinks he can take away my status as the black-haired, red-eyed pretty boy? No... No, this won't stand..." He mumbled angrily, glaring daggers at the offender.

"What are you mumbling about now, worm?"

"None of your business, infidel." Izaya spat out, not even looking at Shizuo.

Oh, but this_ was_ Shizuo's buisiness. Shizuo had taken quite a liking to their spats. Now, he noticed that Izaya was not staring at him with the smirk that had always been plastered across his face, but was instead glaring harshly at that one guy who had just came out of nowhere. This wasn't right, not by a longshot. If Izaya was going to glare at anyone, it would be him, not some random guy that had just popped into the room.

"Shinra, huh? I'd say that you're the one with the weird name..." His sentence trailed off at the end, because the man felt someone's eyes on him. He started to turn towards the rest of the odd party while he continued. "My name is Sebastian. I'm the butler for this estate..." Sebastian was now smiling genially towards Shizuo and Izaya. He walked over to the pair, and gave a slight bow once again. "You seem to be staring at me. Do you require anything?"

Izaya sat back in his chair, his gaze cold. He started to speak, but Shizuo slammed his hands down on the table, and stood up quickly, knocking the chair back.

"Yes, actually. Stop making the flea glare at you. He glares at me, and _only_ me. I'm _not _going to let anybody else distract himfrom glaring at me_. Understand?_"

Izaya started to chuckle, and Sebastian simply asked "Flea? I'm guessing that the 'flea' is this fine man right here," He said, gesturing as Izaya, "since he seemed to be glaring at me before." Izaya just continued to chuckle, mumbling something that sounded like "looks like Shizu-chan really does like me~" under his breath.

"He's anything _but_ fine! He's the worst possible human you could ever find and I hate _every last cell of him_! Stop that damned mumbling, flea!"

Izaya swooned, bringing his hand up to his forehead. "Oh, Shizu-chan, you really know how to woo a lady~" The dark-haired man said breathlessly, a blush creeping across his face. Sebastian watched with amusement, an eyebrow raised and a smirk firmly placed on his lips.

"I've never actually met an openly homosexual couple before. This will be an experience that I will treasure for the remainder of my life." Sebastian said with a flourish, giving the two a bow.

"_What did you just say!_" This was absolutely it for Shizuo. This day had been crappy from the get-go, what with the glaring at Izaya and the weird shit that happened after eating the toast. And now, somebody he didn't even know was insulting him? That was it. He was going to break both of them in half. But before he was able to move, he found his pathway to Sebas-chan blocked by Celty's scythe. The vase shook back and forth slowly, as if the woman were telling him "No... just no...".

"But Celty, this guy just_ insulted_ me! You heard that! He's lying through his teeth! Just let me go over there and at least break his face."

Celty turned to Izaya, and made a 'gimme-gimme' motion with her hand. He gave her her phone back, and she typed on it for a few seconds. Why should you be insulted by the truth, Shizuo? Don't get angry, but even _I_ think that there's something going on between you and Izaya... Have you ever heard of the term 'anger sex'?

"_That term isn't in my vocabulary, Celty_. How could you even think that? Ugh, that's _disgusting_. I don't know what it is with you chicks and that shit, but seriously, nothing would make me even remotely consider that. Absolutely _nothing_."

Celty would have rolled her eyes if she could have. But she decided to give Shizuo this one. Fine, fine. But I'm not letting you kill this guy. Sorry. The woman shrugged in apology.

Shizuo, quite satisfied that he had won, picked up one of the chairs, and flung it as hard as he possibly could at Sebastian. _Nobody_ got away with insulting him, absolutely nobody. He didn't care if they were the Queen of England, nobody would say shit about him and Izaya and walk away. Maybe crawl, but definitely not walk.

The smile never left Sebastian's face. Calmly, he caught the chair, seemingly without effort, and set it down carefully. "Now, now. You're a guest here. Please don't fling my young master's funishings around." He said sweetly. Shizuo, on the other hand, was just getting angrier and angrier with every passing moment. This guy was just as bad as the flea. Izaya on the other other hand, was starting to like Sebas-chan more and more with the passing seconds... though he still hated him for trying to steal his spot as top pretty boy.

The door swung open, and small boy walked into the room. "SEBASTIAN. I've been calling you for the last five minutes! What is so important that you ignore..." The young Earl's sentence trailed off as he noticed that they had guests. He raised an eyebrow and frowned. "Who are these people, and why are they in my manor?"

"Hello again, bocchan. It seems that these people have appeared from absolutely nowhere. These two," He said, gesturing towards Izaya and Shizuo, "are most likely homosexuals. It's certainly been a while since we've seen some other than that Grell. Isn't that right, bocchan?" Shizuo scowled.

"Shut up! I'm as straight as a-" "Curly fry~" Izaya mumbled, giggling. Again, Shizuo became infuriated, and attempted to snatch the jar from Celty's head so he could break it over Izaya's. Unfortunately, she was a bit out of reach, and he just had to settle for more glaring.

Ciel's face distorted with a bit of disgust. He shook his head, and cleared his throat. "Well... that's very nice for them..." He said, trying not to look at Shizuo and Izaya. But, someone was looking at Ciel. Shinra was staring holes through him. Ciel noticed this, and looked taken-aback. Before he could address this weirdo, the man in the white lab coat started to approach him.

"T-That hat... That _hat_...Yes... It's the same as the one on the side of the toaster..." Shinra said, approaching the young boy, his eyes wide and glistening. He was walking with his hands out in front of him, grabbing at the air in front of him. The closer he got to Ciel, the lower he crouched, reaching up high for the hat. He looked like he was worshipping the hat (which he was). Ciel edged backwards, trying to escape his reach, a look of utter terror on his face. Celty was quick to react. She stormed over, and punched Shinra hard in the shoulder.

Shinra started to roll around on the floor, twitching while he rolled. "CELTYYYYY WHY? WHYYYY?" He yelled in his pain. Again, the phone came out. You're being an idiot again, Shinra. You're scaring the kid. Stop that.

Shinra started sniffing, but nodded in defeat. He stood up, his face scrunched up against the tears. "I-I'm sorry, kid. I just really l-love that hat of yours..." He said, hiccupping while reaching out to pat Ciel on the head. Ciel called out Sebastian's name in fear, his eyes wide, following Shinra's hand as it approached his head.

Sebastian grabbed Shinra's arm just inches away from Ciel's face. "I'm sorry, but young master does not like strangers coming near his hats. Please, do not attempt to touch them."

Celty felt like the situation was spiralling out of control. She had to try to take control of it. She pushed Shinra away from the two strangers, and whipped out her phone again. Would you mind telling us if we're still in Ikebukuro? If we're not, what part of Japan are we in right now? It would be a real pain if they had to find their way home from the other side of the nation.

"Oh no, we're not in Japan at all. We're in England, you see. I wonder how you all ended up here, since you seem to have just came out of thin air."

Shinra jumped up from the floor, and pointed an accusing finger at Ciel's hat. "IT'S THAT HAT. THAT HAT WAS PAINTED ONTO THE SIDE OF MY BEAUTIFUL TOASTER."

Ciel stood up on his tiptoes and whispered into Sebastian's ear. "What's a toaster?" At which Sebastian just shrugged. Izaya strolled over from the table, and whispered into Sebastian's ear, too. "Toasters toast bread. What era are you from, anyway? Have you been living under a rock for the last few years, or what?"

Ciel frowned. "I don't know what you all are talking about, but it's the Victorian era. What rock have_ you_ been living under, anyway?"

Izaya considered this for a moment. He nodded his head for a few moments, and ran his tongue across his lips in thought. He continued to nod in assent while he walked over to Shinra. He leaned over and whispered in his ear. "I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Toto."

Shinra tilted his head, much like a confused dog would. "But Izaya, we weren't in Kansas. We weren't even in North America." Celty smacked both of them upside the head. She raised her hand to massage the vase, much like one would massage their head when they have a headache. She sighed, and walked over to the two Englishmen.

Well, since we seem to be in England, rather than Japan, we really have nowhere to go. You called this a mansion, so you must have plenty of room. Would it be too much of an intrusion if we stayed here until we could find a way home? She typed out, holding her phone out for them to read. It was embarrassing to ask so much of them, especially when she was wearing one of their vases. At least she didn't have a face to show her embarrassment.

The two looked at each other for a second, thinking. Sebastian turned back to Celty. "Of course. We'd be more than happy to accommodate you until then. Just do us a favor, and keep the two sweethearts under control."

"_WHY YOU LITTLE-_"

Of course! Thank you so much! So sorry to intrude. Celty bowed in thanks while Shizuo was tackled to the ground by Shinra before he could attack Sebastian.

"I'll show you to your rooms now, if you wish." Sebastian offered kindly. Celty nodded. Shizuo growled. If this little smartass put him in a room with the flea, he would pay with his life. Or several compound fractures.

The four people followed Sebastian up the grand staircase at a slow pace. A man with a half-shaved head walked down the staircase and very baggy pants, passing them. Izaya did a double take, watching the man walk away from them. He was strangely familiar... oh well. He shrugged and continued on.

Sebastian stopped in front of a door. He opened it to reveal a queen bed and he stood to the side of the door, his hand sweeping through the air to invite them in. "This will be the homosexual's room. I hope this fits your needs." He said, an almost invisible smirk on his face.

Ohhhhhh, this guy was going to _pay_. He was just _asking_ for trouble now. He raised a fist, but halted when he felt an arm snake around his waist. "C'mon, dear~ Let's go get comfortable!" Izaya sang as he dragged Shizuo into the room with him. Before he was fully dragged in, Shizuo stuck his head out of the door.

"_I hate you all._" Celty waved goodbye to him with what would have been an apologetic smile if she had a face and not a vase.

The door slammed shut, and almost as soon as it was, the three heard crashes. Celty winced at each one, and just started to walk away. Sebastian and Shinra followed suit. They arrived to their door, and Sebastian opened their door and did the same routine. Shinra gave his thanks, and the two walked into their room.

Ciel shook his head. "What a bunch of wankers."

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**AN:** DEM WANKAHS. R&R please! Any and all feedback is welcome. 3


	3. Roomies

**AN:** So, we've decided that every time we make a hysterical typo, that we're going to put it aside and make a word out of all the typos in the end. Our word so far is this: Sexbeanflootfeleabeterr.

Look forward to the continuation of that word. :D

**Disclaimer:** If we owned these series, we would be writing fanfiction; this shit would be canon, yo.

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Sometimes, you just _knew_ things. This was one of those times for Shinra. That little kid with the even tinier hat... he had to be behind all this time-traveling crap. Shinra knew this, but no one seemed to believe him. So he would have to prove it himself. When most of the mansion was still asleep, Shinra had begun to prepare for his adventure. He had ditched the white lab coat (much too conspicuous) and had taken a black sheet from another room. Making double sure that Celty was sleeping (it was quite difficult to do so since the woman had no freaking head), Shinra got down onto the floor and started to slither towards the door. He reached up and hand, and opened up the door, and used his newly-found snake abilities to journey down the hall. _'The kid's room is probably this way...'_

Sebastian, who had been roaming the halls of the mansion, happened upon that one guy who had attempted to touch one of Ciel's precious tiny hats when it was still on his head wrapped in a black sheet and wriggling across the floor like some strange, sentient burnt burrito.

"Excuse me, but what exactly are you doing and why are you wrapped in that sheet?"

Shinra cursed under his breath. Only five wriggles out of the room and he had been found out by that butler guy. He'd have to be more stealthy next time. He slowly began to wriggle in reverse, making his way back to the room without answering.

Sebastian simply stared at the idiot with a bemused face, and walked over to the man-burrito. He was half-way into the room when the butler leaned over and tore the sheet off the man. "I'll have to wash this again, now... Haaaaaah." Sebastian sighed, paying no attention to the bug-eyed man below him. He folded the sheet over his arm and walked back down the hall.

Shinra allowed himself one, tiny victory fist pump. As he got up from the floor and started to walk into the room, he was dismayed to find Celty sitting up, arms folded, looking straight at him. This was bad.

"Oh, h-hi Celty...I didn't know you were awake, heh..." He said nervously. He didn't want Celty to punch him or fling another book at his crotch, especially since they didn't have a whole load of paperbacks in the 1800s. She took her phone from the side table, and began typing.

What were you just doing, Shinra, and why exactly were you crawling on the floor with a sheet wrapped around you?

Shinra tsk'd quietly, and shook his head with a bit of pity in his eye. "Celty, Celty, Celty... I wasn't crawling; I was slithering. But don't worry-better people than you have gotten them mixed up before." He said as he sat back down onto the bed, and patted the fairy's shoulder lightly.

Celty's smoke poofed up, as if she was angry. Are you saying there are people better than me?! She snatched a rather large hardcover from one of the bookshelves in the room, ready to throw it at him_ hard_.

Shinra stopped all movement, and his eyes bugged. He started to open and close his mouth rapidly, trying to find any words that wouldn't get him killed. "N-no! O-o-of course not! It's just a f-figure of speech, Celty! I promise! YOU'RE MY WHOLE WOOOOOOOOOOORLD!" He began sobbing out of fear and despair. He fell onto the floor and bowed as low as he could, his sobs muffled by the carpeting.

Celty considered this, and lowered the book. Okay, fine, I forgive you. But seriously though, why were you on the floor? You were extremely noticeable.

Shinra flew back up onto the bed, with a serious face that would defeat all other serious faces ever. He quickly whipped his hair head back and forth, making sure that there was no one listening in to them. He then leaned forward and spoke in a whisper. "I think I know a way to get back home." He motioned with his finger for Celty to move in closer, too. She did. He spoke even quieter, pushing the words through clenched teeth. "The tiny hats sent us here. If we take the kid's hat, we can get home. I'm sure of it." Celty raised the book, and whacked him on the head with it.

That's ridiculous! You actually think that the kid's hat can time-travel? It was probably just a dream, now go back to sleep and we'll figure this out later.

Shinra had been laid out flat from the book attack, anyway, so he merely nodded as silent tears poured down his cheeks. He tried to go back to sleep, afraid to disobey Celty at this point.

Sebastian, who had been watching this scene, merely chuckled as he walked away again.

Shizuo had won the Battle for the Bed rather easily. Too easily, actually... But he had decided not to worry about it. Fleas slept, too, so he would probably be safe during the night. The Battle for the Bed had been brutal; the curtains had not made it through unscathed. A few vases and a small chair were also among the casualties. It hadn't occurred to Shizuo what those outside the room might have thought the crashes had been, but that hadn't been his main objective. The BED, the soft and beautiful BED had to be his and HIS ALONE. Only god knows what the flea would've done to him had they slept in the same bed. Shizuo shivered. The flea would just have to make do with the floor. No matter how much he begged or pleaded, Shizuo was _not _going to give up his spoils. This victory was his, and he'd make sure that the flea got it through his thick skull. The flea had fallen asleep on the floor pretty easily. Shizuo had been surprised, but pleased at this fact. Satisfied with the situation, he settled back and closed his eyes.

_Shuffleshuffle_

Shizuo's eyes flew open. He sat up and looked over the end of the bed. Izaya was in the same place as before. Deciding he imagined the sound, Shizuo laid down again.

_Snicker_

Shizuo covered his ears with his hands. It wasn't the flea. It wasn't the flea. It wasn't the flea. It wasn't the flea. IT WASN'T THE FLEA. NOPE. DEFINITELY WASN'T THE F-

Izaya's face slowly rose up over the side of the bed, not unlike a monster in a horror movie. Shizuo sat up quickly, refusing to make a sound. The flea still looked like he was asleep. The only thing that wasn't relaxed on his face was his grin. A creepy, wide-spread thing that would give Shizuo nightmares for days.

Shizuo stared at Izaya, absolutely puzzled. Was he sleepwalking or something? No, sleepwalking wasn't an appropriate term. Sleepcreeping was more like it. But, then again, he was freaking tired. Today had certainly been eventful, and taking a nice nap would be great right now. He decided to let it go, and laid back down.

_Creeeeeeak._

_'It's the door_', he thought to himself. '_This a creaky old place, and there a lot of things that creak. It's not the flea. Nope. Nuh-uh._ _Couldn't be. He can't be that stupid._'

Before he could deny the fact that the flea wasthe source of the creaking anymore, he felt something climb onto the mattress. Before the gartender could open his eyes, he heard a faint _click _andsomething cold on his wrist. He slowly looked down, his face a painting of malice (Van Gogh was so proud).

Handcuffs. Damn handcuffs. The flea put _handcuffs_ on him. And, what was _even better_ was that _THE FLEA_ was attached to the _other flippin' end_! Shizuo was going to kill the little bitch, and he was going to kill him good.

He turned to throttle the flea, and paused. The flea was legitimately asleep. Shizuo considered this for a moment, with an extremely serious look on his face.

Was the flea so used to trolling him that he had begun doing it in his _sleep_? Probably. At this point, Shizuo wouldn't be quite surprised if he was permanently trolling.

"Hey flea, wake up!"

Izaya stirred. He started to raise his hand to rub at his eye, but realized that his hand was a lot heavier than usual. He looked down, and saw two things: A) He was handcuffed to Shizuo, and B) he was on the bed. A smirk found it's way to his face. "Oh, my Shizu-chan! Taking advantage of someone while he's asleep? Now, now, you know I would have played along if you had just asked~" The red-eyed man said mischievously. Shizuo was trying his hardest not to strangle him.

"No, you idiot,_ you_ did this to _me_. I, personally, would much rather be cuffed to a goddamned rocket than to you. Now, I know you must've hidden the keys _somewhere._ Fork 'em over."

Izaya had a truly bewildered expression. "Shizu-chan... In case you didn't notice, I was sound asleep. And last time I checked, I didn't _have_ handcuffs, or keys for that matter. This is all you, pal."

"Hey, it's not my fault that you troll in your goddamned sleep! I was just trying to get some sleep after this _insane_ day, and you just come up and handcuff me to yourself! And for all I know, you could be carrying a small animal in your jacket!"

Izaya thought about this for a moment. "Well, that does sound like something I'd do." He said, giving himself an appreciative pat on the back, before turning to Shizuo in all seriousness. "But, even if that's true, I honestly don't have keys to _anything_ on me. So, looks like we get to be buddies for a while~" Izaya said cheerfully before patting Shizuo's cheek with a smile. Shizuo, enraged by this entire situation, swatted Izaya's hand away.

"You know what? I'm gonna go find a hacksaw or something sharp so I can cut these damned things off." He jumped out of the bed, yanking Izaya out along with him.

"God, Shizuo! Can you at least wait until morning? In case you didn't notice, it's middle of the damn night! You can put a pillow or somethin' between us if you want to, but I would like to get some sleep." Izaya said, irritated at being yanked out of the soft bed. Shizuo glared at him.

"You wanna know why? I don't want that butler guy seeing us_ handcuffed together_, that's why! He'll think that the breaking stuff when we got into the room was...Egh, I don't even want to think about it." He shuddered. "_Now_ you see why this is important?" Izaya rolled his eyes.

"Just grope Celty tomorrow, or somethin'." The man shrugged, and started to walk back to the bed. He didn't _care_ what people thought of him. Before he could reach the bed, Shizuo dragged him back.

"_It's not that easy, flea!_ Everybody is convinced that we actually like each other, and it's hard to uphold your reputation when people see you handcuffed to the person you absolutely loathe!"

Izaya stepped forward, and grabbed a handful of Shizuo's shirt, and glared at him. He yanked him down so that they were face-to-face. "Shizu-chan. You do know how sexual exploits work, do you not? Well, tomorrow, when neither of us is walking funny, I'm pretty sure they're going to know nothing went down. Stop acting like a little pussy and get on the damn bed." He growled. Izaya didn't screw around when it came to his sleep.

Shizuo growled. "_Fine_. But if I hear one word about this from anybody else in this damned house tomorrow, I am punching you _so hard_ that your nose will go out the back of your head."

"Yeah, yeah. Just don't be surprised if I bite back." Izaya said through a yawn. He climbed back onto the bed. Shizuo still seemed a bit leary of Izaya, considering what had just happened. He went as far away from the flea as he possibly could without falling straight off of the bed, and hoped that no other weird shit would go down.

Unfortunately for him, they woke up the next morning cuddling.

* * *

**AN:** SHIZUO CAN NEVER CATCH A BREAK. He even trolls himself, mang.


	4. Cake is Not Made With Puffins, You Idiot

**AN:** Hey all! Nutty here with a message from Nom. "DEAR BROS: THIS CHAPTER IS LONG BUT IT IS FREAKING AWESOME. NUTTY AND I LAUGHED OUR FACES OFF AND SQUEED HARD WHILST WRITING IT. I THINK YOU WILL TOO. LOVE, NOM." That pretty much sums everything up. : D

Other than that, sorry that this chapter took so long. Life sucks. D: In response to one of the comments, we'll be introducing other characters throughout this entire thing; in fact, there are a couple people introduced in this chapter. :3 Thanks for the reviews, friends. It makes us squee harder than any Shizaya picture/story can. 33

**Disclaimer:** We don't own DRRR! or Kuroshitsuji. If we did, we wouldn't be writing this. xD

* * *

The next morning, even China heard the shouts coming from the Phantomhive mansion. They went a little something like this:

"- -"

"Shizu-chan, I didn't know you liked to cuddle~!" Izaya managed to say while the two men tumbled down the long staircase.

"_Shut the hell up, flea_. I do _NOT_. _You_ were all over _me_, if you hadn't noticed before. And keep it down, you _moron_! If somebody hears_ that_ and sees_ this _they'll think-" He paused. "Eeeegh, I don't even want to go there."

He shuddered at the thought. He especially did not want Sebas-chan or whatever his name was anyway to see this. _No_. Nobody was going to see this. _Nobody_. He scrambled to his feet and rushed off towards somewhere where he could find something sharp and serrated to get these damned handcuffs off. Izaya was not expecting this, and was dragged for a few feet before managing to catch up to Shizuo.

"Uun, Shizu-chan~ I never thought you would be so forceful." Izaya whispered into the blond man's ear cheerfully. "If you really wanted to get me alone, all you had to do was ask!" The informant enjoyed these little strolls with his delightful Shizu-chan (though they usually ended up hurting a fair bit more than Izaya liked if he was being completely truthful). He was enjoying this moment so much that he could hardly contain himself. A) He and Shizu-chan were handcuffed, which was sure to be getting on the bartender's nerves, and B) Shizu-chan was totally blushing even if he wasn't. He was blushing in his head. And on his face.

Yeah.

The only thing that could make this more perfect would be-

"SEBASTIAAAAAAAAN~!"

All of a sudden, what seemed like a red blur appeared out of absolutely nowhere and glomptackled Izaya, who was caught off guard by this entire situation and fell, nearly taking Shizuo with staggered from the sudden impact, and whipped around to look at the stupid, clumsy flea.

"_What the hell was that?_ What do you think you're-" He stopped when he saw what had knocked Izaya over. Whatever it was, it seemed to think he was that butler dude or something, and it apparently _looooooooooved_ the butler guy because it was all over the flea.

The man that seemed to be a walking splash of red paint was snuggled up to Izaya and was rubbing his head against his chest much like a cat would. It was weird to see someone other than the flea doing that to someone.

"Hello there strange man!" Izaya started off cheerfully, petting the top of his head a bit. "I think that you have me mixed up with the _other_ red-eyed pretty man."

The red-haired man sat up immediately. "Oh, you're not Sebastian... Oh well, I can make an exception!" He shouted cheerfully, and nuzzled up against Izaya once more. Shizuo gave the man a death glare to end all death glares.

"_Excuse me_, but I was a little busy before you interfered with my plan to get this _wretched thing_ off of my _god damned arm_." He hissed at the man, still glaring. "And if you would get off of Izaya and leave us the hell alone, I won't break your face._ Alright?_"

The bespectacled man hadn't even noticed that blonde guy, and he certainly hadn't noticed that the two were, in fact, handcuffed together. A slight, shark-toothed smile crossed his face.

"Oh, I see~ It looks like you guys had a little too much fun, am I right~?" He chuckled. 'Pff, I _suuuure_ remember the first time I lost the keys, let me tell you~! Now _that _was a wild ni-" Unfortunately, the man could not continue with his story because he appeared to have a fist in his face.

The man flew back a few feet, and bounced a couple of times before finally skidding to a stop. Izaya had a pleasant look on his face as he pushed himself up from the floor. "Now, now Shizu-chan. He was just getting to the best part of the story!" He said with a little bit of disappointment. He was examining the red man twitching on the floor with an amused look on his face, when suddenly a man with very baggy pants came stumble-running into the room.

"GRELL, GET UP MAN." The man said as he pulled his companion to his feet. He dusted the snivelling man off a bit before turning to Shizuo and Izaya. He started when he recognized Izaya, who just grinned at the familiar face. "G-grell, come on, let's ditch this place." He said, staring Izaya down before zooming out of the room, dragging Grell with him.

Izaya chuckled. "Ah, good times..." He sighed happily before speaking again. "Well! Now that that's done, let's go see how Ciel is doing~!"

Shizuo was still trying to figure out what the hell Hiroshi was doing here and why exactly he was hanging around that dude when he realized that Izaya was dragging him back towards the main hall.

"_Hey!_ Wait a minute, idiot! We've still got to get these cuffs off before you go peoplewatching, or else they'll all think the exact same thing as that Grell guy, and, let me tell you,_ I don't want that._" He made sure to put extra emphasis on the last statement, including a threatening stare for added effect. Izaya ignored him, and kept walking.

"Oh, don't worry about it, Shizu-chan~ This'll be fun! We can do boring things like that later."

Shizuo was about to start strangling him, but Izaya decided to occupy his hands a little. He swung his arms back and forth, and with their fancy handcuffs, Shizuo started arm-dancing too. He had a look of pure fury on his face until the walked through the door of Ciel's room, and something magical occurred. There was some type of chemical change within Shizuo. His face relaxed, and desire was written on his sparkling desu desu face.

Tiny hats.

Tiny hats everywhere, as far as the eye could eye.

And in the middle. The mecca of all tiny hats.

The tiniest hat of all.

And it was on Ciel's head.

Shizuo creeped up to Ciel, Izaya following with an excited expression. "U-um... that hat..." The blond man stuttered, pointing a shaking finger at the midnight blue hat on the boy's head. "Would you mind if I, uh... t-tried it on...?"

Ciel did not particularly like this situation, but, since he was bored as hell and kind of wanted cake, he got a brilliant idea that would probably make that guy shut up and stop ogling his lovely tiny hat.

"Well, if you want to try the hat on, you'll have to win a contest against Sebastian. Are you up for that?"

"Easy. What kind of contest?"

"Whoever makes me the best cake wins and gets to try on the hat." He grinned. Nobody could possibly best Sebastian at making cake or any other type of food, for that matter. Sebastian was the best at everything, and this guy would certainly lose against him. Because of that fact, Ciel would not have to share his hat with anybody, and he would get two cakes out of the whole thing. This was a great plan, indeed.

Shizuo knew full well that he was not good at baking. In fact, the last thing he had tried to bake had ended up growing tentacles and a functioning brain, and crawled out of the oven before being smashed with a broom.

Izaya saw Shizuo's troubled expression, and an idea came to him. His showdown with Sebastian had just been a matter of time, anyhow... He cleared his throat. "Seeing as we are currently linked," Izaya shook his hand that was handcuffed to Shizuo's, "I could hypothetically participate in this competition, yes?" He asked with a slight grin.

Ciel made a weird face, but shrugged. "Sure?" Izaya did a mini-fistpump.

"COME NOW, SHIZU-CHAN. IT'S TIME." Izaya said, eyes burning with excitement. He pulled the blond behind him and out of the room and quickly made his way to the staircase. "SEBAS-CHAN~ I have a challenge for you!" He called out, figuring the super-butler would hear him.

Shizuo was a bit uneasy over Izaya's enthusiasm. Anything that made the flea _this excited _would only give him a headache. What could his angle be...? Shizuo couldn't come up with anything; in fact, it almost seemed like Izaya was just doing this to be ni- no. No. The flea was NOT nice. He never did anything out of the 'kindness of his heart', because the guy _didn't have a heart_. Shizuo was still contemplating Izaya's reasons when Sebas-chan met them halfway on the stairs.

"A challenge, you say? May I ask what kind of challenge?" The butler asked kindly.

"Me versus you, whoever makes the best cake wins. Winner gets to try on a tiny hat. Are you gonna get in on this, or am I going to be competing against myself?" Sebas-chan started to answer, but promptly noticed the fact that they were handcuffed together. This was all oddly hilarious to him.

"I see you two enjoyed your accomodations, then?" He said with a sweet smile.

This was the exact opposite of what Shizuo wanted to happen. Sebas-chan was_ not_ supposed to see this, and if the flea hadn't insisted on going up here because he loves humans so goddamn much, then none of this would have happened and _AAAAARGH THAT IDIOT._ Shizuo picked up the nearest vase, and whacked Izaya across the face with it.

_"I told you they'd see this but APPARENTLY you don't listen, you moron!_"

Somehow, the vase didn't shatter. Izaya grabbed the vase away from Shizuo and put it back on the floor. "Shizu-chan! You wound me! Who's the one here who's going to make a cake for you out of the _sheer goodness_ of his heart?" Izaya asked, trying to ignore his throbbing head. He sighed and tsk'd. "Whatta way to thank your tiny-hat-savior..."

Izaya gave one final sigh, and rolled his eyes in Sebas-chan's direction. He walked forward and cupped the tall man's ear and stage whispered into it. "You see the type of abuse I have to deal with on a daily basis? Maybe it's time for me to find someone better for me..." The informant finished with a sad sigh. He winked at the butler and gave his butt a friendly pat, and continued on his way to the kitchen with a smile on his face.

Sebastian just continued smiling. "Hmm... Interesting..." He said happily as he followed the bob of black hair. He glanced over to Shizuo, and gave a little smirk before speeding up so that he was walking next to Izaya, and gave the man's bum a little pinch. He glanced back at Shizuo and just chuckled with an arrogant smirk before letting his arm slide around Izaya's waist. His eyes never left Shizuo's, and the smirk never strayed from his lips.

If you took the fury of a thousand suns, multiplied that by the number of little particles in a large container of powdered iced tea raised to the fifth power, and then did a large number of complex mathematical equations focused mainly on increasing that number by ridiculous amounts, it still wouldn't even be close to the sheer amount of hatred that Shizuo now harbored for this weirdo who appeared to be molesting the flea for some weird reason. If anything, he now hated Sebas-chan even more than the flea, which he previously thought was impossible. As soon as this guy broke eye contact, Shizuo was more than ready to pick up the heaviest object possible and hammer this idiot into the ground with it. This guy would be a pancake wearing a suit by the end of this contest, and Shizuo would be wearing Ciel's tiny hat like a boss.

Yes.

That is exactly how it will go.

Sebas-chan would not be walking out of this contest without a full-body cast, and Shizuo would not be walking out without that amazing hat.

When they entered the kitchen, they found Shinra waiting for them with a fork and knife in his hands. "I heard there would be cake." He said with what could have been the most serious face that Sebastian had ever seen. Celty was sitting in the corner of the room, vase still on her stub of a neck.

Sebastian ignored the man in the lab coat, and went around the large room to get everything that they would need. When he had set up the counter accordingly, he waved Shizuo and Izaya over. He eyed the handcuffs again and addressed Izaya. "Say, want me to remove those handcuffs for you?"

Both black-haired men ignored Shizuo nodding his head so hard that it was in danger of falling off, and instead Izaya replied "Nah! For this to be a fair fight, I'd need a handicap anyway~" He said cheerfully, and started to whistle a pleasant tune while familiarizing himself with his supplies. Sebastian chuckled and turned around to do the same.

Shinra peeked over the counter and watched the two men. He then sprung up suddenly and announced with a voice much louder than it needed to be "ALRIGHTY. THIS WILL BE A ONE ROUND BATTLE. ONE CAKE. ONE WINNER. ONE TINY HAT. SEBASTIAN VERSUS IZAYA. MAY THE BEST MAN WIN. ON YOUR MARKS." He paused.

"GET SET."

Shizuo wanted to punch the guy for drawing this out.

"GOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

As soon as Shinra started to say "go", the two were already elbow-deep in baking supplies. The next hour was comprised of serious baking, measuring, and flour getting all over everything. That is, everything except Sebastian and Izaya. For some reason, they were absolutely flour-free by the end of the contest. On the other hand, Shizuo (and the rest of the kitchen) was absolutely covered in flour and was pretty irate at that fact. He was hoping he could just brush all of it off and leave it at that, maybe punch the flea and Sebas-chan in their faces for being annoying little morons.

Maybe with the handcuffs, he could make Izaya punch himself in the face for once.

Oh yes, that'd be entertaining.

But, no matter how entertaining that'd be, Shizuo wanted to be free of the flea more than he wanted to see that. He reached over to the counter calmly and grabbed the biggest butcher knife laying on the surface. He place their connected hands on the counter top, and with a blank face, brought the butcher knife down at the speed of light onto the tiny chain. Izaya let out a yelp unconciously and quickly drew his hand in and hugged it close to his chest while looking at Shizuo like he was insane.

"Dude, seriously?" He asked increduously, glad that he still had a hand.

"Shut up flea, and go play with your boyfriend." Shizuo said, picking up Izaya and tossing the man over to the butler.

Understandably, Izaya was a little shocked at being thrown without any prior warning, and flew through the air with all the grace of an angry cat who had just been launched out of a cannon. He did not particularly enjoy this.

Sebas-chan caught the flailing Izaya quite easily, and smiled.

"Oh, is it a game of catch you want? Of course." Izaya did not look particularly excited about this, especially when he was launched into the air yet again in Shizuo's general direction. The game continued for a few minutes without any errors, but once Ciel walked into the room to see what was the holdup on the cakes, Sebastian got distracted momentarily, which resulted in Izaya crashing right into him, and they both went right down while Shizuo laughed at them both.

"Ow..." Izaya moaned and held his head, which had just crashed head first (geddit it's goffick) onto the floor. Sebastian, on the other hand, wasn't so much hurt as he was annoyed. He stared at Shizuo until the blond looked over at him, and smirked, pointing at Izaya mouthing 'mine' over and over again. He knew he was getting somewhere when he saw the laughter leave the other guy's face. Forcing himself not to grin at his victory, Sebastian stood up and picked Izaya up off the floor. He swung the smaller man up into his arms and carried him bridal style to the other side of the kitchen where there was a chair. He set him down gently and patted him on the head. After this was taken care of, he walked over to the ovens to pull out the cakes, completely ignoring Shizuo and his rage.

Once again, Shizuo was seething. This was_ war_, plain and simple. Maybe there was an easier way to constantly harass Sebas-chan without having to punch him in the face every five minutes, but it was taking a while for Shizuo to figure it out when suddenly, it hit him.

Baking.

It was almost too easy.

Since anything Shizuo put into an oven ended up being sentient and a possible danger to schoolgirls everywhere, there was definitely a way to get that to work in his favor. Finally, the tables would turn. Watch out, Sebas-chan, baked goods are coming to get you. He grinned, and dusted a bit of flour off of his hair.

Izaya had been watching the entire time, and the almost instantaneous change from enraged Shizuo to rapeface Shizuo seemed very unsettling to him. He had a terrible, lurking feeling that shit was about to go down, and not just the usual punching or heavy object throwing. No, this was something worse. Izaya sincerely hoped he didn't pick up the butcher knife again.

Ciel was becoming impatient with the situation. He tapped his foot angrily, and raised an eyebrow. "Sebastian. I have work I must do, please hurry it up with the cakes." Though this was indeed a lie, he hoped that Sebastian would just do as he said.

"Of course, Bocchan." Sebastian said, giving the young boy an apologetic smile. He took the two prepared cakes and cut pieces from them for Ciel to sample. The earl walked over to the counter and whipped his pocket fork out, and stared at the cakes hungrily. He would eat it all... It was all for him...

_The cake._

He attacked the two pieces mercilessly, crumbs flying everywhere. Everyone in the room watched, unable to look away from the speed eating. Shinra was dying of jealousy in the background, but no one was paying too much attention to that.

In under a minute and a half, both slices were completely gone. Shizuo had paused his preparations for World War III, and watched apprehensively. His adam's apple bobbed up and down like one tiny breast as he gulped multiple times. Now was the moment that he had been waiting for his entire life. He stared holes through the boy while he considered his decision. Smacking his lips a few times, Ciel nodded his head. He pointed to the plate on the right.

"That cake was better." He turned and walked out of the room, bored with the situation.

The plate he had pointed to was Izaya's. The grin that spread across Shizuo's face was unstoppable. The tiny hat was his at last. He jumped over the counter and flipped Sebastian off in one swift motion, and ran over towards Izaya.

"How'd you do it, flea? I find it hard to believe that you beat him at his own game but hell, I can't believe I'm even saying this, nice job." Izaya smiled and winked.

'I'll tell you tonight, Shizu-chan~ I can't give away my secret in front of everybody, now can I?"

Speaking of the night, it was getting kind of late. It was almost nightfall, and today had certainly been another eventful day, to say the least. And plus, Shizuo was going to be veeeery busy building up his tricks. This plan was too good to go to waste. Yes. As soon as Izaya nodded off, Shizuo would slink back to the kitchen and put his clever solution into action. Of course, it wouldn't be easy to get there what with Sebas-chan prowling around.

Yes. This was the perfect plan, no doubt. That smug butler wasn't going to get away with trolling that hard, not on Shizuo's watch.

Everyone made their way back to their rooms without much trouble. Shinra tried to sneak a cake into his pants, but that situation was taken care of by a merciless smackdown from Celty. Izaya and Shizuo made a quick detour, though (Izaya followed Shizuo; it was not a mutally acknowledged walk). They headed towards Ciel's room, and knocked on the door. A "come in" sounded out, and the two Japanese men did just so.

"Alright pal, pay up." Shizuo said, holding his hand out expectantly.

Ciel stared at the hand as though it had just separated from the wrist, grown wings and a monocle, and did a jig while doing manly spins through the air.

"You know what I mean. We won the cake contest fair and square. Now hand over the damn hat!" Shizuo demanded, a bit impatient to get the hat on his head. His hair was quivering in anticipation.

Ciel handed over his prized hat reluctantly. "O-only a day." Shizuo was about to argue, but Ciel spoke over him. "One. Day. You are staying in my mansion. If you disagree with these terms, you can find somewhere else to sleep."

Shizuo could not argue with the facts. He took the hat from the small boy's hands reverently, and slowly raised it above his head. He lowered it down and down until finally...

_Success._

It was one tiny step for Shizuo, and a huge leap for tiny hatkind. He reveled in the feeling for a long moment, feeling as though angels were singing in a heavenly choir behind him. He was about to begin his solo when Izaya interrupted his fantasy. "Hey, can we get going? I'm tired, and if I get back to the room before you, I'm locking you out."

Shizuo was more than slightly annoyed that the flea had interrupted such a special moment for him, but he didn't want to argue with Izaya when he was tired. He remembered exactly what happened the last time he decided to wake Izaya up, and it did not go well.

Especially the whole cuddling bit.

That was worse than any nightmare _ever._

They left Ciel's room, and continued the walk to theirs. Shizuo was still quite curious as to how Izaya won anyway, and asked him no less than twice along the way. Each time, Izaya replied with a grin and repeated the exact same thing.

"Oh be patient, Shizu-chan~ Good things come to those who wait~"

Shizuo did not particularly like waiting. He would rather stand in the middle of a busy street instead of hang around with nothing to do, especially when he wanted to know something. When they finally reached the room, Shizuo remembered Izaya's promise to lock him out, and made sure he was the first in by shoving Izaya out of the way.

Izaya was annoyed at this, and decided to milk the situation a bit.

He crashed onto the floor and let out a little gasp. He curled up, and grasped at his ankle. "..." He repeated over and over, scrunching his face up in pain. "Dammit, Shizuo... What's up with you today? Throwing me around a - ouch - kitchen and now shoving me around? Stupid hat must've possessed - owwww - you or somethin'..." Izaya finished, allowing one tear to leak out of his eye for the sake of staying in character. Shizuo stared at him, and shook his head.

"Well, flea, you threatened to lock me out and you and that butler guy are getting kinda_ buddy-buddy._ And you can get up off the floor, I'm sure your ankle is absolutely fine. I didn't push you _nearly_ as hard as I could've."

"You're jealous of Sebas-chan? Well, I suppose jealousy is cute..." Izaya said, deciding to give up the act for the night. He started to stand up, but found that he couldn't. He collapsed back onto the floor. He laid there blinking for a moment, a genuine look of confusion slipping past his usual mask. "What the..." He attempted to stand up again, only to end up with the same result. He grasped at his foot again, wondering just how stupid a person had to be if they actually ended up getting hurt when they were just pretending to. He sighed through a grimace but stayed silent otherwise.

Shizuo watched this entire scene play out with a slightly amused expression. He was probably faking it. Yup. This guy could lie like no other, and Shizuo was absolutely sure that he could act, too. He tilted his head, still staring at the absolutely confused Izaya lying on the ground.

"Hey flea, need a hand there?" Knowing him, he'd accept, get picked up, do something stupid, run straight into the room, and lock Shizuo out, which was not a favorable outcome.

Izaya frowned. "Uh, nah. I think I'll just sleep out here tonight. This carpet's pretty comfortable." He said while staring at the wall opposite him. This was pathetic. No way was he letting Shizuo help him in this state. Nope. He'd rather not get a wink of sleep, to be completely honest.

"Don't be stupid, flea. Come on, damn it." Shizuo picked Izaya up nearly effortlessly, and dumped him rather unceremoniously on the bed. "Happy now?"

Izaya turned over onto his side so that Shizuo couldn't see his face. "Sure..." He was pissed at himself. Blushing like a little kid. Hopefully Shizuo would just leave the situation alone and go to sleep. He grabbed a pillow and covered his head with it and mumbled "good night" through the thing. Shizuo didn't hear it at all, and plonked down next to him with a sigh. It had been a long day, and it was going to be a long night of hellbaking.

"So, what the hell happened to your foot?" He said, not even looking over at Izaya.

Izaya pulled the pillow down and hugged it to his chest. He mumbled a string of unintelligible words under his breath. He would rather avoid telling Shizuo what actually happened if he could...

"What was that? Didn't quite hear you. You've got to speak up, unless I accidentally collapsed one of your lungs, too." Shizuo looked down at his vest. It was still pretty much white from the flour incident before. "Ah, damn. This crap will get everywhere. I bet that kid'll be pissed if I leave flour everywhere I go." He groaned. "As much as I dislike this, I've got no choice here, I guess." He unbuttoned his vest, and dumped it on the floor.

Izaya peeked over his shoulder at the blond. He would probably be ashamed to admit it later, but his heart did skip a beat at the sight of the man in the moonlight. His blush reignited, and he faced the wall again. "...I was being stupid. At first I was pretending, but I dunno... Stupid basically covers it." Izaya didn't want to spell it out. It was too embarrassing. He didn't want anyone to see him like this, let alone Shizu-chan. He'd probably hold this against him for the rest of his life.

"And stupid consists of?" Shizuo said absentmindedly as he continued getting the floured clothes on the floor.

"You know what stupid consists of. Don't make me spell it out." Izaya said, blush intensifying even further against his will. Izaya cursed his body ten times over; he shouldn't be reacting like this!

"Uh, no, I don't. There are a lot of different types of stupid, and they all consist of different things. I wouldn't know which type you were talking about."

Izaya sat up and turned to face Shizuo in one swift motion. "It's the same stupid that makes me play tricks on you all the time! The same stupid that makes up our entire relationship! You know the stupid, Shizuo. Don't act like you don't. I was irritated because you pushed me, so I decided that I wanted to make you feel bad, so I decided to pretend to hurt my ankle. And guess what? Me being the flipping genius that I am _actually hurt myself_!" Izaya's sat there for a minute after that, breathing heavily and staring indignantly into Shizuo's eyes. Then, after he realized what he had just said, turned beet red. He quickly laid down again, determined not to make eye contact again.

"Crap, you're as red as a freaking lobster. I-" Shizuo paused. A tremendous grin spread across his face.

"Oh, I see what it is._ You like me, don't you, flea?_"

Izaya opened his mouth automatically to respond with a 'no', but paused when he realized that his heart was thumping in his ears, and his stomach was clenching itself into knots. He thought for a minute before speaking up. "...And so what if I do?"

Shizuo's grin hadn't faltered for one second. "So what if I do too?"

How many times did that bastard intend to make his heart stop in one night? Izaya sat there for a few moments before turning over to lay on his back. "The stars look pretty tonight, huh?" He said calmly, staring at the ceiling. Without taking his eyes away from the ceiling, he reached out a hand and grabbed Shizuo's. He tried not to look over at the former bartender. He felt that if he looked over, something would change... And while he wouldn't deny change, he didn't want to be the one to break everything that had been built up prior to this point.

Izaya's hand was warm. It felt... nice. Shizuo stared at Izaya's unmoving profile, and chuckled a little. "Idiot. Ceilings don't have stars." He leaned over so that his face was hovering above Izaya's. Shizuo observed the changing emotions flying across the informant's face. Surprise, uneasiness, fear, and a few other things that Shizuo couldn't quite identify. Finally, his face decided to stop on fear.

"Shizuo... Wh-" Shizuo stopped his lips with his finger.

"Don't you know when to shut up?" The blond asked with a slight smile. He closed the distance between their faces and pressed his lips to Izaya's. Izaya started to respond after the initial shock, and soon he was propped up on his elbows, trying to close all the distance between them. After what seemed like hours, they parted, and felt each other's breath on their faces.

Izaya gave a faint chuckle. "You kind of suck." He said, the look in his eyes a lot softer than they would have been just a few hours prior.

Shizuo raised his eyebrows, and felt one corner of his lips rise by itself. "Oh, be quiet, flea." Their lips met again for just one kiss out of many that would occur that night.

* * *

**AN:** *faints*

This will be the new home for the long-misspelled-new-word. AS OF THIS CHAPTER, THE WORD IS:

Sexbeanflootfeleabeterrquees

STAY TUNED UNTIL NEXT TIME, DEAR READERS.


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